Lucky Us

"You're so fortunate, your wife supported you in your farm living journey", I've been told, rather reminded on numerous occasions by people who've admired our lifestyle.

Well, that's absolutely true. I am indeed fortunate that Rekha has deep dived into this lifestyle and has been the backbone of our successful transition. She took on to growing food, homeschooling kids and adapting to a new kind of household as if this was the most natural thing to do. 

But to say that she has been supportive of my decisions and ideologies would be absolutely incorrect - for many reasons. Firstly, it would belittle her initiatives during the last 8 years. Unlike a city household, which has to largely just adapt to the various systems, on the farm, one has to take the initiative to define the routine for the day, insist on doing non-negotiable activities on time, manage house-keeping, food, cleanliness and a lot more. She did it all despite the absence of a system that compelled her or anyone of us. She's the primary reason we're moving ahead on the path of food self-sufficiency. She's been the anchor for the academic education of our kids. It's easy for many homeschooling parents to disregard the importance of academic learning. But to make it happen, it requires persistence and patience. I very often find myself feeling such a fringe contributor to our good life, but soon enough I manage to pep myself for the role I've played. In many senses, it is a lifestyle, which she was meant to infuse life into; I was just the reason she got on to it.

It appears to many that we're ideologically aligned. It amuses me because I've rarely found two  ideologically aligned people; a husband and wife, never! I think it is best to keep your ideologies a deep secret. In the event of a serious clash of ideologies, it's worthwhile to find a way to carry on, rather than convince anyone of the correctness of your ideology. If there are minor differences, accept the other person's decision without much thought. This approach has helped me learn, conserve precious time and energy and focus on what is substantial. To say we're like-minded would be shooting in the dark. Both of us may have a vague idea of each other's ideology and we never try to talk about it.

The most important aspect, in my experience is to 'be at the crease long enough'. The strength of our relationship isn't that being together is the best option, but that there is no better option. This isn't pessimistic at all. Both statements mean the same, but the latter keeps you open to multiple right answers, the former builds stupid expectations. 

So, if you feel that your spouse, parents, children, extended family, peers, neighbour or his wife are the reasons you're not able to do what it takes, think again and again till you feel empowered enough to act.

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