Factory of The Mind

I was once a tree – a large banyan tree. I lived a hundred years. During all those years, I witnessed, but never participated, never judged, never thought, never felt – neither happiness nor sorrow. I was to be a tree – I was being one. Once, another time, I was a dog. I searched food, I sought affection, I defended my territory, I scared strangers. I felt loved at times, at times I raged with anger. I wasn’t like a tree; because I wasn’t a tree. I was a dog and I was being one. And now I am a human. I want, I like, I try, I think, I feel, I cry, I celebrate, I compare, I analyse, I plan, I do, I strive, I struggle. They say, “Why do you become? Just be.” I say, “That’s what. I’m just being – being human. Wanting to become is a part of my being. It’s a part of my being today. Tomorrow it may not be. Do you want me to become – become a tree or a dog?” How can I become? Isn’t it an illusion if I think I can? I can just be . There is no other way.

I seek people; I seek people I’d like to talk with, relate to, share with; I seek people on Facebook, at work place, in social gatherings, in trekking expeditions, in movies, in history books. I’m often disappointed with people. They are what I’d like them to be; but they’re also what I’d like them not to be. Hope does get shattered; sometimes it takes minutes, sometimes years. Then I seek solitude. And guess what! I get disappointed with myself! I’m the kind too I’d like not to be. But the kind I’d like to be and I am, gives me hope. What other choice do I have? Then, again I seek people and then...again I seek solitude. This, I guess, will go on; till I lose all the hope. And that is when...it’ll be FUN! This hope – to find the right people or even to find the right person or to become the right person – must give way. It keeps me from realising, from accepting the truth. The truth that both – the one I adore and the one I despise – are within the truth...